


Anything Yours Can Do, Mine Can Do Better

by thathyperloudfangirlchick



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Brief Mention of Fifty Shades of Grey, F/M, Girl's night, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thathyperloudfangirlchick/pseuds/thathyperloudfangirlchick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In response to this tumblr request:<br/>"Can I request something where Garcia and the reader have a gossip session about Reid and Morgan and they’re doing the same about the girls?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Yours Can Do, Mine Can Do Better

          “Penny, this is the worst idea we have ever had ever. Why on earth did we decide to do this?” you said, cringing at the two people frantically trying to eat each other’s face on the screen. Penelope sat next to you, wearing an identical expression.

          “I don’t know, I just don’t know. How could we have known 50 Shades of Gray would be this bad ohmyGOD that lip locking is too painful too watch this is like a car crash,” Penelope says, covering her eyes. You reached for the remote, patting along the table until you found it.

          “We have to turn it off, we have to turn it o- hey look there’s finally a sex scene.” You and Penelope watched as the Beyonce track played, your faces slowly becoming more and more unhappy until you finally shut the damn thing off. You both look at each other, realizing exactly just how horrible that was. “...That was so bad we skipped the sex scenes, Penny. Penny. We NEVER skip the sex scenes.” She bounces towards you, leaning forward, wine in hand.

          “Wasn’t it?! Can you believe that the masses actually believe that crap is romantic or sexy?”

          “Like honestly, what’s sexy about Ana Steele’s complete lack of emotion and and Christian Grey’s shitty bastardization of BDSM?” You ask, questioning the absurdity of popular modern romance novels. You and Penny nod and clink glasses to that. “SO, speaking of BDSM…,” you ask, raising your eyebrows at your sister from another mister. “I hear you and Morgan been gettin up to some hanky panky, ehhh?” You wink and nudge her with your elbow as she laughs, a vision of bubbliness in her fuzzy pink and purple jammies.

          “Speaking of hanky panky, I hear you and Reid been doing that horizontal happy dance.”

          “Pressing the baby button.”

“Assault with a friendly weapon.”

          “Knowing someone in the biblical sense”

          “Doing two person push-ups.”

          “Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch.”

          “Playing dungeons and dragons.” You finally crack, giggling and kicking Penelope with your flailing feet.

          “Shit, we actually did play Dungeons & Dragons the other day with his chess friends. Ohmygod, I cannot equate that phrase with sex, I’ll never be able to sit through one of those games again.” Penelope laughs, topping off your glass with more pinot. “I suck at the game like you wouldn’t believe.”

          “I bet that’s not the only sucking you were doing, was it, Y/N?”

          “Penny!” You hit her with the pillow next to you before finally settling with your head on her legs. “Really, how have you and Morgan been doing? I know you were a bit worried about the transition to flirting best buddies to more than flirting best… buddies… with benefits…? Who knows, you two darlings defy labels, so how’s it goin, babydoll?” Penelope brushes you hair out of your face just to muss it up, giggling.

          “I love you, Y/N. I love the fact that he calls me babygirl and you call me babydoll. My two favorite people got cute little pet names for me,” she says, tweaking your nose. You bat her hand away, laughing.

          “You’re evading with flattery, sweetie, and I think you just implied you love him.” Penelope groaned, leaning her head against the back of the couch.

          “Ugh, you are my only friend who isn’t a profiler, and yet I’m still getting psychoanalyzed.”

          “Don’t change the subject, hon. He’s taking good care of you, isn’t he?” Penny smirked at you over the rim of her wineglass.

          “Oh, honey, that hot chocolate man takes such good care of me. Just last night-”

          “AHHHHHHH,” you yell, covering your ears. “La la la la la la no actual hanky panky talk goin on here noooooope.” Penelope laughs even more.

          “But Y/N, I wanna tell you about yesterday where he went down-

          “GODDAMMIT PENELOPE”

          “My sweet little cherry blossom, I came five times last night. Don’t be embarrassed you and Spencer can’t get on our level.” You sit up abruptly, furrowing your eyebrows at her.

          “Excusez-moi? I’ll have you know Spencer made me come SIX times last night, not to mention the FANTASTIC shower sex before he left for work. You wish you were on our level, old timers.” You smirk, always reveling in the fact that you and Spencer, in your mid twenties, were almost ten years younger than Penelope and Morgan. “You poor things. With age comes the lack of endurance, a lack of libido. Y’know they make pills for stuff like that, if Morgan is having any trouble.” Penelope gasps, thumping you on the head with one of her many colorful throw pillows.

          “Please, sweet pea, with age comes experience, and that’s one thing your pretty, wet behind the ear, genius darling doesn’t have. My man, he has it spaaaaaaaaades.” You and Penelope glare at each other, practical lightning bolts flashing between your eyes.

          “...I bet Reid is bigger.”

          “Oh, babe, you don’t wanna play this game.”

          “Oh, yes, I do, cause I’d win.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Ten minutes away, Derek and Spencer lounge in the apartment the two of you shared. They sit on the couch, drinking and watching the basketball game of the night. However, the two friends could not really focus as both could feel this chill in their spines, the sort of chill that goes through your body when someone is talking about or staring at you. They share a look over their beers, feeling a resignation deep in their bones.

          “They’re talking about us over there, aren’t they?” Morgan asks.

          “I’d be surprised if they aren’t already comparing dick sizes.”

          “Figured.”


End file.
